Spiritual Health Care Plan

Before we get started please read Isaiah 42:16-17, Isaiah 43:1-2, and last but not least Isaiah 45:3.

In 1975 back in a town called St.Clair, Michigan, in the hospital after I had lost a baby I desperately wanted, the Lord came into my hospital room and spoke these verses to me. It was Valentines Day and it had been especially difficult because they had to put me in the maternity ward right across from the delivery room. I remember that day very well. A neighbor friend of mine was delivering her child and I could hear quite a bit, especially the joy when the baby was born. The pain and ache of my heart was so acute that the pain shot up to my neck. To make matters worse, my husband was in the emergency room in another city being treated in the ER for an injuring he received at work. He couldn't be there with me. My Pastor at the time came and prayed with me, but it wasn't the same as having your husband there to share the grief. Several months after this incident the Lord gave me the melody for a song to write these verses to. So many times my heart would cry out Lord why? Why? What have I done wrong to have this happen? Several months later while trying to have another baby, a dear friend of mine pulled me aside one Sunday after church and told me that she was expecting. I smiled and made sure I stayed together, but once I got in the car I lost it. Again why God? Why are you doing this to me? What have I done? The word pain was always a word I ran from. I would do anything to avoid it. Never realizing that I was getting ready to know pain in a whole different way and I had no place to run or hide. No doctor could remove the pain or give me something to numb it. God was getting ready to take me into the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

Then in 1995 I went through 5 years of the "dark night of the soul." Talk about pain, having a baby was less painful and I had 4 wonderful boys. Not all at once!!! Just thought I had better clarify that last statement. LOL! There was some real soul searching and things I found out about myself that floored me and I didn't like. It was ugly and again very painful. I had to face them honestly and there was no where to run and no one to blame. As I faced these areas in my life there were times when I felt suicide was the only way out. Just to get away from the ever present emotional pain that at times would become physical. Those were some of the worst days I ever had in my life. Sometimes during the night I would walk the streets in the country till 3 or 4 in the morning screaming God, where are you? I can't face anymore of this alone. I just can't. I felt totally abandoned by Him. I felt like he had gone on a permanent vacation and liked it so much he wasn't going to return. Then one day, the Holy Spirit came and spoke to me and said, "if Jesus bore your burdens and feels your pain and you want to be like Him, then you have to walk in His foot steps. He is the great intercessor. He is always presenting you before the Father with your pain and concerns. Remember He feels your emotions because if you are made in His image, then He has emotions too. If your heart truly is to be like Him and have His character and nature, then this is necessary in your life. He is not doing this to kill you, but He is answering the cry of your heart. Haven't you prayed Jesus I want to be just like you? I don't just want your name but I want you. Ellie that is what He is doing in your life. Through these difficult circumstances the song that Jesus gave you years ago is being worked in. You are finding the treasures in darkness and the hidden riches." Now being honest, at the time the Holy Spirit spoke that to me I wasn't impressed. But gradually I realized that the pain that I had emotionally and physically gone through was not always there as before. I began to see some of the treasures in the darkness I was going through and actually began to appreciate them.

I never would have gained substance or learned what it was like to feel rejection, pain etc., if I had not gone through that experience. Would I want to go through it again, absolutely not, but in the darkness I did find treasures. Isaiah 45:3.

We say we want to be like Jesus and we say we "know" that there is a cost. But have we ever really looked at what the cost might be. Read Isaiah 53. That is one of my favorite chapters. We need to honestly realize what Jesus went through. Or is it just a "story" that you read about especially during Lent or Easter. You know the highest calling is the calling of an intercessor. Jesus is always before His father making intercession for us. Romans 8:26,27 and 34. That should comfort our hearts. I know it does mine. :) You can't be an intercessor without feeling the heart and the emotions of Papa God. How can you effectively pray for someone? All those painful experiences that I have gone through have made me see the treasures in my dark times. As I allowed Papa God to bring me through, I have gained substance so that when someone else is going through a similar experience as I have, I could honestly help them and they knew I had been where they are at. People know when the words you share are empty and there is no life.

While waiting last night to an intercessors meeting I felt drawn to Isaiah 53. As I began to read I was drawn to verse 5 the last sentence. It says, "and by His wounds we are healed." All of a sudden my heart responded with a big "YES." At that moment I realized that the wounds that He has healed in my heart can literally set others free and their wounds can be healed also. It made all those dark and lonely, dismal days worth it. It would be terrible to go through something and not learn or get the treasures that are in the dark times. Those treasures are priceless. Talk about Health Care. Wow!! If the wounds he took for us can heal us, then why can't the wounds that He has healed in us not heal others? They can!!!! Again you will not only have healing, but you will have substance to give to someone else and the joy of watching that person regain hope and healing for their situation as you share. Where their eyes were full of pain, you can have the joy of seeing light come into their them again. Like I previously said, would I want to go through those days again, a big huge NO. But it is wonderful to look back and see that those experiences were not wasted but became "treasures in my darkness."

One last thought. Jer.29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Thank you for listening once again.

Experiencing Jesus,

Ellie